凯蒂回复关于道歉的信 2014年6月
The Byron Katie Newsletter, June 2014 拜伦凯蒂的时事通讯，2014年6月 Letter about Apologizing 关于道歉的信
Dear Katie, 亲爱的凯蒂： I haven’t fully understood the
concept of “to apologize” yet. There is a conflict for me between wanting to
apologize and then, when the other person says “I accept your apology” or “I
forgive you,” I feel like “Now it looks as if I did it on purpose and I
didn’t!!” And I become angry and defensive. What am I missing here? 我还没有充分理解“去道歉”的概念。我的内在有一个矛盾，一方面想要道歉，一方面道歉后别人对我说“我接受你的道歉”或是“我原谅你”时，我觉得“现在好像我真的是有意做的（那件我向他道歉的事），可我不是有意的！”我就会变得生气并且充满防御心态。在这里我看漏了什么？
Yes, and on purpose or not,
“you” did it; it happened through your body (mouth, hands, etc.) and what you
claim to be “yourself.” Isn’t that why you apologized? The next time you
apologize and didn’t do the act on purpose, I suggest that you say, “I didn’t
do _______ on purpose, and I’m so sorry that it happened.” Or “I didn’t do
_______ on purpose” (if you aren’t sorry). 是的，有意无意，“你”已经做了这件事。它经由你的身体（嘴、手等）和其他你认为“你自己”的而发生。这不就是你道歉的原因吗？下次你道歉而你是无意做的时候，我建议你可以说，“我不是故意XXXX，发生这事我很抱歉”。或者“我不是故意XXX”（如果你并不感到抱歉）。
An apology happens within me
first; it is clear when the slightest internal circuit is broken, planned or
unplanned, within one’s own self. I may notice the off-ness (the circuit
breaker) when I said something, and then an “oops” kind of sweetness
happens (instant awareness of the past as here and now, even just a nanosecond
away), and out of that, a sense of awakeness and delight at
noticing, I apologize with or without a bystander. If the apparent other
isn’t there to be offended, I apologize to the self (it doesn’t mind at all,
and we laugh at the “self” self-talk). There is never a moment
within this intimate dance that the one who steps on its own foot
wouldn’t apologize. Nothing personal, and yet so unbreakably intimate. 一个道歉是先在我的内在发生的；当细微的内在通道被打断时，无论有意还是无意，自己内心都是很清楚的。当我说些什么，我可能会注意到不对劲（那通道打断器），然后一种类似于“哎呀”的美妙体验（瞬间对过去的意识同时在当下体验到，即使只有一纳秒）发生了，接着，带有觉醒和欢喜的感觉在觉察时，无论有没有旁观者在一边，我道歉了。如果要道歉的对象不在，所以不被冒犯，我就对自己道歉（内心并不在意，我们对“自己”的自我对话感到好笑）。在一段亲密舞蹈中，从来不会有一个人踩到自己的脚却不道歉的时刻。这是完全非个人的，是牢不可破的亲密。
And even though someone may not be offended
by my words, actions, etc., it seems right that I easily claim, “I said
_______, and I’m sincerely sorry if I have offended you. I apologize. I am
sorry for any suffering I may have caused.” Intentional or not, I am only about
the end of suffering. I am about peace, and I’m sorry if anything that is
understood through “my” words should fall short and seem to point away from
that. 而即使某人可能没有被我的言语、行为等冒犯，一种对的感觉让我很容易说出“我说了XXXX，如果我冒犯了你，我真的感到遗憾。我为此道歉。我对很我可能引发的任何痛苦感到抱歉。”有意或无意，我唯一要的是结束痛苦。我要的是和平，如果任何因“我的”言语引发的理解显得不和平或是指向偏离了和平，我感到抱歉。
Dearest, the ego has great difficulty with
identity (false self) exposed, and the truly humble, completely exposed and
naked doesn’t have any problem, as it understands what it really is and is not. 亲爱的，小我很害怕身份（虚假的自我）被暴露，而真正的谦卑，对全然的暴露、无修饰是毫无问题的，因为它知道它到底是什么和不是什么。
Why is my reaction defense and not freedom
and peace? 为什么我的反应是防御而不是自由和平静？
Are you really sorry, or are
you just imagining what you consider to be escape? And yes, I wouldn’t
apologize until I really understood any suffering I may have caused and was in
touch with how to make it right if that is involved in the harm as well. I
wouldn’t apologize until I was completely willing to have the other person
shout my “wrong” to the rooftops and include it in his or her next Facebook entry. That’s how I know that I would rather be free than right. The
moment this kind of freedom is experienced is the beginning of the old identity
shifting, falling away, seeing and experiencing itself as truly false in the
dearest of ways. 你是真心感到抱歉，你是真心感到抱歉，还是你只是把它当作你认为的逃避？是的，除非我真的看清了我可能引发的任何痛苦，当牵涉到带有伤害时，而且知道如何改正它，我是不会道歉的。除非我可以全然愿意别人对着屋顶大声宣告我的“错误”并且在他/她的facebook（国外社交网站）上放出这消息，我不会道歉。那就是我如何知道我更想要的是自由而不是对。当这种自由被经历的时刻，正是一个新的开始——旧身份转变、瓦解、并观看与体验到自己是以最亲切的方式展现真正的虚假。
I better not apologize to others until I am
“ready”? But what is “ready”? 除非我已“准备好”，否则我最好不要向其他人道歉，但怎样才是“准备好”？
I hope something in my response has helped
you in some way. And good that you don’t apologize to others before you are
ready, since that is no apology from you at all. What is ready? When you
understand that for you and you only, it is the right thing to do, and it is
for you, not to you. An apology has nothing to do with the person I am
apologizing to. Nothing at all. They will do with it what they do with it. Mine
is done: a clean slate. I am ready. 我希望我的答复能够对你有点帮助。是的，在你准备好之前，你不向其他人道歉是好的，因为没有道歉来自于你。怎样才是准备好？当你理解对你，只是对你个人而言，道歉是正确的事，而且道歉是为你而做的，而不是你被迫做的。道歉与我道歉的人无关。完全无关。他们完全自行其是（对我的道歉）。我的部分已经完成了：一个清晰的状态，我准备好了。
This may help: Statement numbers 2, 3, and
4 on the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet, when turned around, show me what to
apologize for. Question 3, “How do I react when I believe that thought,” shows
me what to apologize for and to whom. All so simple to the mind that wants to
expand and leave the world of suffering from within and fly. 下面这些可能会有所帮助：批评邻人作业单的第2、3、4题的句子，在进行反转时，向我展示了我为什么而道歉。问题三，“当我相信那念头我有什么反应”，向我展示了为什么去道歉，对谁道歉。对于一个想要发展、从内在离开痛苦的世界并飞翔的头脑而言，这是如此简单。
When do I know that I’m “there” and that an
apology is the right thing to do now? 什么时候，我才知道我已经到了那个状态——道歉是我此刻要做的正确的事？
When you’re ready to live without guilt and
stress and regret. Be gentle, take your time, be thorough and know that
starting over is what time is for. 当你准备好不带愧疚、压抑和遗憾的活着的时候。温柔一点，给自己一点时间，深入一点，认识到重头开始即是时间存在的原因。
Do you have any suggestions here that help
me understand myself and the concept of apologizing better? 你有什么建议能帮助我更好的理解自己和道歉的概念吗？
I leave it for you be the judge of that,
dearest one. 亲爱的，我让你来做这个判断。
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